


霖雨 (the rain that never seems to end)

by troublemaker (shoseilovemail)



Category: JO1 (Japan Band)
Genre: Heavy Angst, Idk what else to tag enjoy, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, but ends on a positive note
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:07:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23962831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shoseilovemail/pseuds/troublemaker
Summary: Every day, it rains. It never stops. And so always, always Sho is reminded of Ruki.And how it all went wrong.
Relationships: Shiroiwa Ruki/Yonashiro Sho
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	霖雨 (the rain that never seems to end)

Sho opens his eyes.  
He sits up.  
And stares out of the window.  
Even with the curtains closed, he can hear the heavy sound.

It's raining again.

It's like every other day. It has always just been raining ever since that day. The days have just been repeating themselves, an endless circle. Of waking up, hearing the rain, and crying again. And it repeats today as well.

The tears are already dripping onto the bedsheets. Sho didn't bother to make a sound or wipe away his tears, they were just empty at this point. He doesn't even know why he's crying anymore, when it has been almost half a year now.

He could blame himself, and continue the cycle as it always goes.

_Why are you still crying when it was your fault? You're the one to blame. You caused all of this troble, you have to take the consequences._

He could break out of the circle, move on if he would want to. But he doesn't. He knows he shouldn't care anymore, but he doesn't know how not to. It was way too easy to just stay in this daily routine, remain in his hole and never try to climb out of it. Having hope, and maintaining to do so was incredibly hard. Especially when everything, really just everything reminds Sho of Ruki.

Of how it all went wrong.

* * *

_"Ruki!! Please, I didn't mean it, I am so so- "_ _"Fuck off!! ", the younger screams as he turns around abruptly. His face is filled with disgust, with pure hate. Sho slowly lets go of his wrist and steps back, shaking his head slowly. No, he didn't want it to turn out like this._

_"And now you're acting hurt? ", Ruki says mockingly. "As if you weren't the one who hurt me in the first place. "Ruki, I never wanted- "_

_"-for this all to happen? Huh? ", Ruki exclaims. His eyebrows furrow as the anger deepens._ _"You exactly knew what I was going through because what you were doing to me, I told you to stop, but you went on, and even further. Don't pretend like you care about me. ", he spits out, each word filled with anger that has pent up for so long._

_"No, I care about you, I only did this for- "_

**_"Stop pretending! "_ ** _, Ruki screams yet again. His fists are clutched, and his face reflects pure anger. At this point, a tear's rolling down his cheek, and the apologetic look on Sho's face deepens. He approaches and extends his arm out in an attempt to comfort him, but Ruki slaps it away, and his face says everything._

_"Just stop pretending like you know everything about me, because you fucking don't. You don't know anything. ", the younger scoffs._

_Sho wants to say something, he opens his mouth even, but Ruki shakes his head and turns around._

_"If you really care about me, then just leave me the fuck alone finally, or I'll force you to. "_

* * *

Everything, the interior, the rain, the clothes, even his own face reminds Sho of Ruki. It's painful, so painful.

Sho stands up and opens the curtains, facing the rain for the first time in a while. It feels like its mocking him, making him remember his mistake with which he hurt Ruki so much. Ruki, the person he had loved so much. He was gone now, Sho can't reach him anymore. The law prohibits him.

He regrets it so much, what he did during these days. He can't reason with it now anymore, why he did that. Love turns people into mosters, he guesses. It makes them crazy, obsessed, and they do all kinds of weird things. _Maybe it's an excuse._ But there's no excuse to what Sho did. There will never be, that's why he's here. And he'll be here for a long time.

He's stuck here, with all the things reminding him of his faults. He wish he could just remove them, but he can't. He'd have to wait for the authorities, and they probably wouldn't even allow it. So he has to endure it.

It's maybe for the better, because if he's stuck with it for a few more years - which he will, undoubtedly - he'll maybe get used to the pain one day. Maybe he won't have to think of doing something horrible again. It wouldn't help him anyways.

Maybe he'll get over this all one day, without succumbing to the mental pain and opting to execute it physically every day. Maybe he'll recover from all the scars, on his face, his arms, his chest, maybe they'll all heal every day. Back during those days he thought he could never forget Ruki, and he still thinks of him all the time, but who knows? Maybe he'll forget the boy without having to actually remove him from this world.

Yes, if he takes the time, maybe he can get out of this hole one day. Back then he didn't have any, but now, thinking about it, he has hope in his heart.

And it'll be the fine thread that he can pull himself out of this hole with, at least mentally.

* * *

_So I take off my face_

_Because it reminds me of how it all went wrong_

_And I pull out my tongue_

_Because it reminds me of how it all went wrong_

_And I cough up my lungs_

_Because they remind me of how it all went wrong_

_But I leave in my heart_

_Because I don't want to stay in the dark_

**_End._ **

**Author's Note:**

> Woop woop ive read to much true crime stories rip. I hope i got it across well bc i dont wanna glorify anything. Hope you liked it!! Please leave a comment or talk to me on Twitter @/shoseilovemail


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